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Resume
Bloopers
- Personal
- I'm
married with 9 children. I don't
require prescription drugs.
- "I
am extremely loyal to my present
firm, so please don't let them know
of my immediate availability."
- "Number
of dependents: 40."
- "Marital
Status: Often. Children: Various."
- Qualifications
- "I
am a man filled with passion and
integrity, and I can act on short
notice. I'm a class act and do not
come cheap."
- "I
intentionally omitted my salary
history. I've made money and lost
money. I've been rich and I've been
poor. I prefer being rich."
- "Note:
Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs
as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a
job."
- "Here
are my qualifications for you to
overlook."
- Reasons for
Leaving the Last Job:
- "Responsibility
makes me nervous."
- "They
insisted that all employees get to
work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't
work under those conditions."
- "Was
met with a string of broken promises
and lies, as well as cockroaches."
- "I
was working for my mom until she
decided to move."
- "The
company made me a scapegoat - just
like my three previous employers."
- Job
Responsibilities:
- "While
I am open to the initial nature of an
assignment, I am decidedly disposed
that it be so oriented as to at least
partially incorporate the experience
enjoyed heretofore and that it be
configured so as to ultimately lead
to the application of more rarefied
facets of financial management as the
major sphere of responsibility."
- "I
was proud to win the Gregg Typting
Award."
- Special
Requests & Job Objectives:
- "Please
call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed
and my employer does not know I am
looking for another job."
- "My
goal is to be a meteorologist. But
since I have no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try
stock brokerage."
- "I
procrastinate - especially when the
task is unpleasant."
- Physical
Disabilities:
- "Minor
allergies to house cats and Mongolian
sheep."
- Personal
Interests:
- "Donating
blood. 14 gallons so far."
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