Due to the current
financial situation and probable mergers, the
management have decided to implement a scheme to put
ALL workers over 30 years of age on EARLY RETIREMENT.
This scheme will be known as RAPE, (RETIRE AGED
PERSONNEL EARLY).
Persons selected to
be RAPED can apply to the management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme, (SPECIAL HELP AFTER RETIREMENT).
The situation of people who have been RAPED and
SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme, (SCHEME
FOR RETIRED EARLY WORKERS).
A person may be
RAPED only once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many
times as the management deem appropriate. Persons who
have been RAPED can apply to get AIDS, (ADDITIONAL
INCOME FOR DEPENDANTS OR SPOUSE). These persons may
also get HERPES, (HALF EARNINGS FOR RETIRED PERSONNEL
- EARLY SEVERANCE). Obviously persons who have AIDS
or HERPES will not be RAPED, SHAFTED or SCREWED any
further by the management.
However, persons
staying on will receive as much SHIT, (SPECIAL HIGH
INTENSITY TRAINING) as possible. The management has
always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it can
give it's workers.
