AMES, IA--The
heaviest element known to science was recently
discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU.
The new element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and
thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does
have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This
gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312
particles are held together in a nucleus by a
force that involves the continuous exchange of
particles called morons.
Since it has no
electrons, Administratium is totally inert.
However, it can be detected chemically, since it
impedes every reaction it comes into contact with.
According to its discovers, a tiny amount of
Administratium caused one reaction to take over
four days to complete; the normal reaction time
is less than one second.
Administratium
has a normal half life of approximately three
years, at which time it does not actually decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which
neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice
neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown that
the atomic mass usually increases after each
reorganization.
Research at
other laboratories indicates that Administratium
occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to
concentrate at certain points, such as
governmental agencies, large corporations, and
universities. It is always found in the newest,
best appointed, and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point
out that Administratium is known to be toxic at
any level of concentration and can easily destroy
any productive reactions where it is allowed to
accumulate. Attempts are being made to determine
how Administratium can be controlled to prevent
irreversible damage, but results to date are not
promising.
