Dear Valued Customer:
In accordance with
company policy, we are pleased to inform you that you
received merchandise with the same high quality
standards afforded all our customers, and we feel you
are extremely chicken-shit for returning this stuff,
particularly since we did not authorize the return.
You know damned well
we have a comprehensive and equitable Returned Goods
Policy, and you will pay hell receiving credit unless
this policy is strictly adhered to. We ship whatever
the hell comes off the production line, and whether
it meets specifications or not is beside the point.
We are reasonably confident our packaging contains
the proper materials a good share of the time, which
is exactly what you ordered. By God, no one is
perfect.
I'd like to see your
production area sometime. I'll bet you have a shit-pot
full of problems too. Incidentally, you have really
pissed off our Scheduling and Production people with
your arbitrary statements regarding late delivery.
After all, your last order was only three months
overdue, which is a helluva lot better than most of
our customers get. What the hell do you expect?
On future orders, we
suggest you favor us with a higher dollar volume, and
we will bust our asses. With this type of volume, we
can guarantee a maximum late order condition of two
months...how's that for a thirty day improvement?
As a valued
customer, it is certainly your privilege to request
we check future orders more closely for requested
shipping dates, but your prickish attitude will, we
are confident, result in our shipping so damned late
that you will be in such a bind that you will gladly
accept any old shit we want to get rid of.
By the way, don't
give us any crap about order cancellations; we're
already in production. We could, however, see our way
clear to stop production if you will pay 90%
cancellation charges, along with a 25% restocking fee.
Otherwise, tough shit.
In summary, you work
with us, and we will work with you. BUT!! Don't pull
that irate customer shit on us, we've been down that
path before.
Warm personal
regards,
CUSTOMER SERVICE MANAGER
P.S. You screwed up
again when you insisted our part doesn't resemble
your specification drawings. BULLSHIT!! Your drawing
isn't even close to our part. We know there was a 1-1/2"
difference between part and drawing, which we
consider minor and totally insignificant. Why don't
you get on your Engineer's ass for a change?
