Customer
Service with a Smile
- Customer:
"Excuse me, do you know where the
thingamabobers are?"
Employee: "Yea, by the whatchamacallits
on aisle 6."
- Customer:
"Do you carry Ink Eradicators? All of
the other places do."
Employee: "I think so. I saw 'em by the
Ink Accelerators on aisle 4."
- Customer:
"Wheres the thin plastic strips with
sticky stuff on the back that you stick
things to other things with?"
Employee: "Hmm... that's a tough one...
The closest we have is tape."
- Customer:
"Can you help me find something?"
Employee: "Nope! I'm going to stand here
and laugh at you a bit more..."
- Customer:
"Excuse me. Do you work here?"
Employee: "Oh... Sorry. I just dress up
like this five days a week because I like
messing with people's minds..."
- Customer:
"Excuse me. Do you look like you work
here?"
Employee: "(no comment)"
- Customer: Do
you work here?
Employee: Only when the boss is around.
- Customer:
"Where are the little flat black things
you put in computers?"
Employee: "Hmm. I think they are in the
computer section next to the disks."
- Customer:
"I'm having trouble with my computers
coffee holder. Do you carry replacements?"
Employee: (commits hari-kari on the spot)
- Customer:
"This item doesn't have a price on it.
Does that mean it's free?"
Employee: "Yes. That's one of the items
we paid with "free money" with."
- Customer: This
doesn't have a price on it. Does that mean
it's free?
Employee: No, that means I get to make up a
price. It's $150.00
- Customer:
"Excuse me. Is there a manager in this
store?"
Employee: "Nope. Sorry, we only have
someone with a "Manager" name tag
on to throw people off."
- Customer:
"Can I open this?"
Employee: "Sure. I'm sure it's different
on the inside of the clear wrapping."
- Customer:
"Do you have a shopping cart?"
Employee: "I think so. Let me look in my
pocket. Oh! We moved em out to the parking
lot!"
- Customer: (referring
to a cashier): "Are you open?"
Employee: "No, sorry. I'm just standing
here because people are giving me money. Why
stop a bad thing. OH! maybe I will turn this
light off with the big number on it next to
this cash register..."
- Customer:
"Does this printer print in black?"
Employee: "Yea, but you have to buy the
white extra."
- Customer:
"I am looking for something to plug into
the back of my computer that lets me use my
fax, scanner, printer, copier, and 4-in-1
multi-function machine at the same time."
Employee: "Yea! We have lots of those!
Right through that big glass door by the
entrance. Don't be confused by that 'Exit'
sign."
- Customer:
"Excuse me. Do you sell these shelves?"
Employee: "Only with all the items on it.
Do you want these price tags too? They're
extra, though."
- Customer:
"Is this new computer Y2K compliant?"
Employee: "No, sorry. We just received
our new 1900 models. We can put your name on
the list so we can sell you the new 2K models
100 years from now..."
- Customer:
"Can you give me a discount on this?"
Employee: "Yea, that's why we have those
little stickers with prices on em on
everything."
- Customer:
"My computer isn't working. Do you know
why?"
Employee: "Oh, sorry. I don't have ESP.
Let me transfer you to our ESP Technician
department."
- Customer:
"Do you carry pencils?"
Employee: "No, I'm sorry. This is an
office supply store only. We don't carry
pencils; or pens for that matter."
- Customer:
"Do you have a bathroom here?"
Employee: "No, sorry. We all piss in our
pants when we need to go."
- Customer: Do
you know where the hardware department is?
Employee: Yes I do.
Customer: Well, could you tell me where it
is?
Employee: I sure could. Would you like me to?
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