You've
Been in Corporate America
Too Long When...
- You ask the
waiter what the restaurant's core
competencies are.
- You decide to
re-org your family into a "team-based
organization."
- You refer to
dating as "test marketing."
- You can spell
"paradigm."
- You actually
know what a paradigm is.
- You understand
your airline's fare structure.
- You write
executive summaries on your love letters.
- Your
Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
- You think that
it's actually efficient to write a 10 page
presentation with 6 other people you don't
know.
- You celebrate
your wedding anniversary by conducting a
performance review.
- You believe you
never have any problems in your life, just
"issues" and "improvement
opportunities."
- You calculate
your own personal cost of capital.
- You explain to
your bank manager that you prefer to think of
yourself as "highly leveraged" as
opposed to "in debt."
- You end every
argument by saying "let's talk about
this off-line".
- You can explain
to somebody the difference between "re-engineering",
"down-sizing", "right-sizing",
and "firing people's asses."
- You actually
believe your explanation in number 15.
- You talk to the
waiter about process flow when dinner arrives
late.
- You refer to
your previous life as "my sunk cost."
- You refer to
your significant other as "my co-CEO."
- You like both
types of sandwiches: ham and turkey.
- You start to
feel sorry for Dilbert's boss.
- You believe the
best tables and graphs take an hour to
comprehend.
- You account for
your tuition as a capital expenditure instead
of an expense.
- You insist that
you do some more market research before you
and your spouse produce another child.
- At your last
family reunion, you wanted to have an
emergency meeting about their brand equity.
- Your "deliverable"
for Sunday evening is clean laundry and paid
bills.
- You use the
term "value-added" without falling
down laughing.
- You ask the car
salesman if the car comes with a whiteboard
and Internet connection.
- You give
constructive feedback to your dog
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