Corporate
Buzzwords for 2001
- Blamestorming
- Sitting
around in a group discussing why a
deadline was missed or a project
failed, and who was responsible.
- Body Nazis
- Hard-core
exercise and weight-lifting fanatics
who look down on anyone who doesn't
work out obsessively.
- Seagull Manager
- A
manager who flies in, makes a lot of
noise, messes on everything and then
leaves.
- Chainsaw
Consultant
- An
outside expert brought in to reduce
the employee headcount, leaving the
top brass with clean hands.
- Cube Farm
- An
office filled with cubicles.
- Idea Hamsters
- People
who always seem to have their idea
generators running.
- Mouse Potato
- The
online, wired generation's answer to
the couch potato.
- Prairie Dogging
- When
someone yells or drops something
loudly in a cube farm, and people's
heads pop up over the walls to
seewhat's going on.
- SITCOMs
- What
yuppies turn into when they have
children and one of them stops
working to stay home with the kids.
Stands for Single Income, Two
Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
- Squirt the Bird
- To
transmit a signal to a satellite.
- Starter
Marriage
- A short-lived
first marriage that ends in divorce
with no kids, no property, and no
regrets.
- Stress Puppy
- A
person who seems to thrive on being
stressed out and whiny.
- Swiped Out
- An ATM
or credit card that has been rendered
useless because the magnetic strip is
worn away from extensive use.
- Tourists
- People
who take training classes just to get
a vacation from their jobs. "We
had three serious students in class;
the rest were just tourists."
- Treeware
- Hacker
slang for documentation or other
printed material.
- Xerox Subsidy
- Euphemism
for swiping free photocopies
fromone's workplace.
- Going Postal
- Euphemism
for being totally stressed out, for
losing it. Makes reference to the
unfortunate track record of postal
employees who have snapped and gone
on shooting rampages.
- Alpha Geek
- The
most knowledgeable, technically
proficient person in an office or
work group. "Ask Larry, he's the
Alpha Geek around here.
- Assmosis
- The
process by which some people seem to
absorb success and advancement by
kissing up to the boss rather than
working hard.
- Chips and Salsa
- Chips =
hardware, Salsa = software. "Well,
first we gotta figure out if the
problem is in your chips or your
salsa."
- Flight Risk
- Used to
describe employees who are suspected
of planning to leave a company or
department soon.
- GOOD job
- A
"Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A
well-paying job people take in order
to pay off their debts, one that they
will quit as soon as they are solvent
again.
- Irritainment
- Entertainment
and media spectacles that are
annoying, but you find yourself
unable to stop watching them. The O.J.
trials were a prime example.
- Percussive
Maintenance
- The
fine art of whacking the heck out of
an electronic device to get it to
work again.
- Uninstalled
- Euphemism
for being fired. Heard on the
voicemail of a Vice President at a
downsizing computer firm: "You
have reached the number of an
uninstalled Vice President. Please
dial our main number and ask the
operator for assistance." See
also Decruitment.
- Vulcan Nerve
Pinch
- The
taxing hand positions required to
reach all the appropriate keys for
certain commands. For instance, the
warm re-boot for a Mac II computer
involves simultaneously pressing the
Control Key, the Command key, the
Return key and the Power On key.
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