Christmas
Party
December 1...To All Employees
I'm happy to inform you that the
company Christmas Party will be held
on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will
be lots of
spiked eggnog and a small band will play traditional
carols...feel free
to sing-along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up
dressed as
Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree.
Exchanging gifts among employees
can be done at this time. Please
remember to keep gifts to the agreed $10 limit.
Merry Christmas to you and yours,
Lisa Lewis, Human Resources
Director
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December 2...To All Employees
In no way was yesterday's memo
intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important
holiday and
often coincides with Christmas (although not this year).
However, from
now on we're calling this party our Holiday Party. The
same policy also
applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this
time. There
will be no tree or Christmas carols sung.
Happy holidays to you and yours.
Lisa Lewis, Human Resources
Director
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December 3...To All Employees
Regarding the anonymous note I
received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to
accommodate
your request but please remember that if I put a sign on
the table that
reads "AA Only" you won't be anonymous any more.
In addition, we'll no longer be
having a gift exchange because union
members feel that $10 is too much money.
Lisa Lewis, Human Resources
Director
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December 7...To All Employees
I have arranged for members of
Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest
away from the dessert table and for pregnant members to
sit closest to
the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other.
Lesbians do not
have to sit with gays; each group will have its own table.
And, yes,
there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's
table.
Happy now?
Lisa Lewis, Human Resources
Director
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December 9...To All Employees
People! People! Nothing sinister
was intended by wanting our CEO to
play Santa Claus. Even if the anagram for "Santa"
does happen to be
"Satan." There is no evil connation to our own
little "man in a red
suit."
Lisa Lewis, Human Resources
Director
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December 10...To All Employees
Vegetarians! I've had it with you
people. We're holding this party at
Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not. You
can just sit
at the table farthest from the "Grill of Death"
as you call it, and
you'll get salad bar only including hydroponics tomatoes.
Tomatoes have
feelings too, you know. They scream when you slice them.
I can hear
them now. I hope you have a rotten holiday. Drive drunk
and die, you
hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
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December 14...To All Employees
I'm sure I speak for all of us in
wishing Lisa Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward
your cards to
her at the sanitarium. In the meantime management has
decided to cancel
the Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the
23rd off with
full pay.
John Smith, Acting Human
Resources Director
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